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❝ Listen To A Heartache
( posted on Saturday, March 23, 2013 @ 11:58 PM )
"Love never dies a natural death. It dies of neglect and abandonment." - Leo BuscagliaThat's exactly what has been happening. *** Dear You, I have been hiding this heartache from you not because I think I am overreacting but probably because I don't want to share this pain with you. Maybe, one day I or my or our friends will let you read this to explain myself when I no longer can. Like what I always rant, this relationship is the only thing that my prayers and hope aren't good enough to make it work. To make "us" work. I have gained credits at work, even to the worst people I know. Somehow, I have succeeded in my life but not in this. It breaks me down everytime I think about it because of this question: "Naaayos ko naman yung ibang aspeto ng buhay ko, BAKIT ITO HINDI?!" Knowing that I have been putting effort to make this work. Yet, honestly, sometimes, I feel like I have been the only one fighting all along. I FEEL NEGLECTED, ABANDONED, IGNORED. I tried to do things with you. I tried to do things for you. Yet......... I cooked surprise lunches for you.. I set aside my home-made pastries for you... I bought your favorite snacks from the groceries.. I wrote surprise letters for you.. I planned to give you your well-deserved hug when you were breaking down.. You didn't know this.. ...BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T COME!! I planned a picnic date and cooked for the two of us.. I also planned a surprise pizza and pasta party with the gang (and I already told Min and Au about it) on your birthday.. I planned to bring you to that Toy Museum you wanted to check outbon Valentine's Day.. I planned to bring you to Coron Palawan because I wanted to be with you when you first ride the airplane and it would be a surprise all-expense paid because I wanted you to deposit your money to the bank instead on our anniversary adventure + my birthday treat + my graduation gift to you.. You didn't know this.. ...BECAUSE YOU'RE BUSY! Deep down in my heart, I wished you had time for me.. I wished, instead of sending random people some personal messages on Facebook, I wish, you texted me. ONE SIMPLE TEXT MESSAGE MAKES A DIFFERENCE. I know, just today, you didn't reach me until I tried to reach out to you.. Tapos malaman-laman ko, na kinakamusta mo yung ibang tao kaninang hapon. Alam mo ba kung gano kasakit yun sakin?! Na inuna mo pa sila kaysa sakin eh ni maggood morning nga lang di mo pa nagawa! AGAIN, I FEEL IGNORED, NEGLECTED, ABANDONED!!! Lahat lahat na. I feel I am such a BIG FAILURE na bakit hindi ako kayang alagaan ng mga tao na pinapahalagahan ko? Why do they set me aside?! Bakit di nila kayang lumaban against my pride just for the sake of this relationship which is ON LIFE SUPPORT? Ano bang mali sakin? Ano bang di ko pa nabibigay? O ano bang di ko kayang ibigay? ORAS lang naman yung hinhingi ko, saglit lang naman yon....... |
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PB, I prefer to be called. I am a person of dreams, faith, happiness and beyond. Has gone tired of life for quite a while but starting to get back to where love is most essential. I never get tired of anything beautiful - from flowers, to pastel colors, to rainbows and tiny little trinkets. I enjoy the beauty of travel, that I let fate let me go places. I secretly write about how my lenses see the world and share the colors of Earth's gray areas. stalk.
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